COMMERCIAL BREAK

DRAMA-LERT™

As the commercial begins, we hear the desperate cries of a woman’s voice.

“Help! Help!”
FADE IN- As the camera pulls backward and the view widens, we see the figure of a WOMAN, sprawled on the floor, a white carpet. We begin to notice a wide pool of crimson in the carpet beside her. She his clutching her DRAMA-LERT device.

“I’ve fallen! And I spilled my Cosmo!”

We hear the reassuring voice: “Help is on the way, Mrs. Fletcher! I’ve notified the caterer!”
VOICE OVER- (should be a MAN’s voice, sort of like Hal Holbrook meets Matlock) “Sure, we all know those great services they offer for people with real, life-threatening emergencies. Slips and falls, massive heart attacks, “Stranger Danger”- all those wacky, zany things that can happen out there. Well, we here at DRAMA-LERT wondered: ‘What about all those emergencies that are emergencies, well, only to you?’”

CUT: interior of a mini-van. Harried-looking MOM in front seat with an undetermined number of squirming CHILDREN visible behind her. She is clutching a hamburger in one hand and her DRAMA-LERT device in the other, hysterical.

“No pickles! I told them no pickles!” she wails, becoming more and more incoherent.

“That’s just terrible, Mrs. Perkins! I’m already filing a complaint with Corporate!” answers the reassuring voice. “Heads will roll, Mrs. Perkins. Heads will roll!”

MOM’s face visibly relaxes into a smile as she takes a bite of her hamburger.

QUICK CUT: exterior, park setting. BUSY EXECUTIVE sits on bench, red-faced, staring at his I-Phone. He is speaking into his DRAMA-LERT device.

“No signal! I’m in a dead zone! Do they know how much I pay every month?”

QUICK CUT: interior, grocery market setting. YOUNG WOMAN (future cat-lady) stands surrounded by cans of cat food.

“No Ocean Whitefish! Mister Whiskers only eats Ocean Whitefish! And they know I shop here every Wednesday!” she whines, into her DRAMA-LERT device.

VOICE-OVER- “Here at Drama-Lert, we’re here to listen, to care, to give a darn! Even when no one else does. Even when no one should. Because you pay us to.”
Testimonial Segment

CUT: interior, typical suburban living room (could even be the lobby of a therapist’s office) we see OLDER WOMAN on couch, hungrily caressing her DRAMA-LERT device. Next to her is possible SON-IN-LAW. He addresses the camera directly.

“Oh, yeah. Worth every penny, and then some! I’m not sure what we’d do without Drama-Lert!”

CUT: interior, obvious HOARDER. Piles of old phone books, plastic bags, ugly purses, etc. surround CRAZY WOMAN, who sits in the only space available, a tiny square at the end of a raggedy couch.

“With Drama-Lert, I’m never alone!”
CUT: interior, kitchen setting. HUSBAND sits at table, DRAMA-LERT device prominent around his neck.

“Drama-Lert has been a real life saver. If it weren’t for Drama-Lert, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here right now!”
We notice WIFE in background, who has stopped in the midst of preparing a meal. She is nodding slowly and we cannot help but notice the butcher knife in her hand.

VOICE OVER- “Here at Drama-Lert, our specially trained “Give-a-DarnÔ” Specialists will listen to your every “emergency”, and they’ll even tell you that they’re going to do something about it.”
During these few seconds we have a series of QUICK CUTS showing some “Give-a-DarnÔ” Specialists at work:

We see a young man. His T-shirt reads “Female Body Inspector” and on the corkboard behind him is a cartoon captioned: “You don’t have to be crazy to work here. But it helps!”

We see a young woman, or what we assume is a young woman. We cannot see her face because she is sort of face down on her desk. What we can see is a variety of liquor bottles, seemingly left on every available flat surface, and seemingly all empty.

We see a young man, smiling at the camera and flashing the old-fashioned “peace sign.” He is wearing a T-shirt designed to make him look like he is wearing a tuxedo, only with short sleeves. His eyes are somewhat squinted and there seems to be some sort of smoky haze lingering around his cubicle.

VOICE-OVER- “Imagine the peace of mind, the comfort of knowing that someone is there, 24 hours a day, 365 days every year, to listen to you bitch about each and every one of life’s little inconveniences.”

During this time, a quick montage of aggravations: a BUSINESSWOMAN misses the bus. A female SHOPPER loses the last fabulous purse to someone else. A PROPER LADY has to sit next to an immigrant on the subway.

We watch as they activate their DRAMA-LERT devices, speak a few words, and are visibly soothed as they start to smile.

CUT: exterior, outside of a drugstore. We see the familiar “Rx” sign in a window over the shoulder of a young, male CRACKHEAD. He paces back and forth and smokes a cigarette while speaking into his DRAMA-LERT device.

“They won’t give me my Vicodins, man! I told them, I’m in pain, man. And I told them that I lost them! I dropped ‘em in the toilet!”
“That is so bogus, man,” we hear the reassuring voice. “They just don’t get you, bro.”
CRACKHEAD looks directly into the camera, and smiles a big, gap-toothed meth-addict grin. “Thanks, Drama-Lert!”

QUICK CUT: we recognize the CRAZY HOARDER WOMAN. She flashes a big smile and a “thumbs-up!” as she carefully adds another plastic bag to the top of the pile. “Thanks, Drama-Lert!”

QUICK CUT: back to Mrs. Fletcher, the WOMAN from commercial’s opening, still on the floor but now sitting upright. A gloved hand is handing her a full Cosmo. “Thanks, Drama-Lert!”

She takes a drink. She winks.

VOICE OVER- “Drama-Lert. You bitch, we listen. Call now!”
“Void in Utah and where prohibited by law.”



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